I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
