the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
