i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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