Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
