I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
