A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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