I wanna bring you to show and tell
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
