I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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