why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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