obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
