32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
