She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Randomize
