so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
