Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Randomize
