Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
