my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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