So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
