I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
