Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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