what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
