I got chris browned last night
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
