how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
