Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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