Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
My ATM looks so different sober.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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