i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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