I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
