I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I just want nice things and good sex
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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