I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I need moral support for this bender
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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