i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Randomize
