i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
