My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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