Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
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