You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
