How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
