So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
