3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
