I need help removing her.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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