I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
