It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Rumble strips road head = magical
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
