Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
