Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
