K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
