i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
