so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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