Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
