I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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