don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
mondays should just be called national damage control day
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
