ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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