Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
