I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I need water and some morals
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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