twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
