We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
