just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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