Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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