question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
